February 2012
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People who cannot find time for recreation are obliged sooner or later to find...
– John Wanamaker
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Best Buy Mobile. 875 N. Michigan Ave.
Sales: Your zip code's 47906. Where's that?
Me: Indiana.
Sales: So you're a Colts fan?
Me: That, too.
Sales: I'm sorry, we can't help you. Bears fans here.
Me: I just want an iPhone.
Sales: Let's check your contract. You aren't eligible for an upgrade until September. If you want an iPhone, it'll be $700.
Me: That's interesting. The AT&T store said I'd be eligible for upgrade pricing today.
Sales: Well, at most they'll take a few bucks off.
Me: How do you mean? Help me understand.
Sales: It might be less, but it won't be upgrade pricing.
Me: Well. I'll head to the AT&T store and check with them again.
Sales: You are? It's not going to be any different.
Me: It's only a few blocks away. Thanks for your help.
(AT&T sold me an iPhone 4S for $200. Score.)
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I worked at a four-star restaurant in New York. As soon as the review came out…...
– Adam Sandler as chef John Clasky in Spanglish. The movie in which Adam Sandler is not the craziest person in the script.
Who doesn’t love food? I think it’s amazing people would care so much about being food critics. All that judgment can turn a person sour. We are here to be fed and...
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Trying to convince editors to just run today’s paper again tomorrow....
– Lauran B.
(Chicago Sun-Times)
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January 2012
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Trust people until you can’t trust them.
– Fred L.
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Choose. Between 36 book covers.
Tell me what you like and don’t like about them. Top three? Bottom three.
Last night, around the time I stopped having fun was when giving thinking on an author’s marketing decisions and then defending it against the input of other people who are not in the publicity or publishing business.
While I think layman’s opinions and outside thinking are so very important, it grinds me...
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If a guy is a great dancer, does it mean he’s good in bed? Yes. He’s...
– Tosh.O
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Every week, Tebow picks someone who is suffering, or who is dying, or who is...
– Rick Reilly, ESPN. Love the guy. Although his game? I hope he improves in the off-season so that we won’t be calling his team the Bad News Broncos.
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Brig: What material do you think this shirt is made of?
Kenny: I don't know. What?
Brig: Girlfriend material.
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A word about snakes in a bottle.
File this under lessons I learned the hard way.
Go easy when drinking anything natives call a medicine, especially if, word of warning - someone’s put a venomous snake in the bottle.
The reason it’s called a working man’s drink is because it’s given in small amounts to people with weak nutritional profiles. It’s a potion, not booze. Healthy people and anyone near...
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Jumanji is a film I'd pay to see in 3-D.
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My MacBook Pro wont upload photos into my iPad. WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS...
– Lisa F.
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Why did the baby cross the road?
Because you're an irresponsible parent.
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Thrilled The Beatles are on iTunes, but where's...
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